A Beginners Guide to Kindness
In our house our honeymoon to Japan in Autumn 2017 is mentioned with reverence. Yes, for the romantic guise of achieving a childhood dream, but observation of the collective society.
Coming back to the States left me longing for Japan's cuisine, pastries, and front facing public persona. For 3 weeks I experienced hospitality in it's ideal form, but what stuck with me was that kindness was not something I have to myself.
Not until that trip did I recognize the American societal persona of be cruel to ourselves as motivation to complete tasks.
Even if my peers are kind to me I have taken on the unkindness and in turn do not have a sense of accomplishment for every goal, task achieved.
So what in the world can you do to unravel a learned sneaky self-harm behavior?
This is difficult and you may get blue or forget to keep a daily note of the harmful self talk.
1. Whenever you observe your negative self talk I want you to ask yourself the question: Would I talk to my best friend like this?
We cannot help ourselves with positive techniques if we fail to observe our patterns first.
Tip: Give the negative self talk the voice, sound of something grating.
2. Rooting out the negative self talk is challenging because you are not only becoming aware, but trying to keep the negative from pulling you down.
When the negative self talk rears itself ask yourself: Who the f*ck talked to me or told me this mindset was okay?
Look at it, tear apart the wrongness of it all.
Try not to shame yourself or others while you are exploring the root of the issues. Instead take that anger, the anger that makes you say to strangers, "How dare you talk to my best friend like that!" and let it be a sword that cuts the negative self talk at the knees.
3. Then...THEN give yourself a positive phrase counter to the old negative one that hasn't benefited you.
Yes, each day is tough to remember to be kind to yourself, but ask yourself: How much deep happiness with myself do I feel? Do I believe that I am enough for me? Would I talk to my best friend like I talk to myself?
This is tough, but necessary and win-win for you. This technique works during Nanowrimo, Crafting, Organizing, or any humaning you are trying to achieve. I want you around, but most of all I want you to come to believe the fact that you deserve kindness...yes, even from yourself.